The Worthies Tales.
By Helen Moir.
If you belong to a small village, indeed, even if your roots are in tenement buildings. The length and breadth of Scotland, each village or town had its characters each tenement had theirs. Many a romance blossomed at the mouth of the close under the cover of darkness.
Many a mother or fathers stern voice was heard to shout.: Jeannie its time you were up the stairs and you laddie its time you were awa hame to your ain hoose.
Relationships between families, friends and neighbours was really no different in the small villages and towns to the large bustling cities. No keeping up with the Jones's then they were all in the same boat. But though times were hard, their outlook bleak. The one thing that sustained folk was their strong sense of community spirit and strength of character. Man and woman alike also their great ability to laugh even in the depths of despair.
Life was not always harmonious for goodness sake it would have been very boring if it had.
Arguments and fights did occur with usually two women ending up pulling each other by the hair of the head biting and scratching like cats.
Men had fisti cuffs my mother has often told me how she held men's jackets for a penny a whole penny. In fact mother became quite an entrepreneur in the holding of jackets. In fact she called it her own jacket buisness. Usually these differences were short lived and peace and harmony was very soon restored.
The one difference between cities and towns and villages in the large Smokey industrial cities communities did form. A good example of this was in Glasgow. The Gorbals,Easterhouse,Rutherglen,Govan ,Dennistoun,to, name a few.
Unlike the small villages and towns folk were inclined to live and work in their own locality.
They married through one another with quite often near relatives, cousins second cousins marrying. This caused in-breeding which produced simple but very harmless folk The Worthies.
This in breeding made gossip very difficult but never stopped it. Nine times out of ten the person you were gossiping about was related to the person you were regaling the story to.
My village of Larkhall Lanarkshire, in which I have spent most of my life, just as the past generations of my family have. Larkhall had its fair share of worthies in fact it was a common saying that all the folk in Larkhall - Larkie the locals call it were related through the Co-operative horse or the CO-operative book no less. Unfortunately I have never been able to trace who began the story still it is just harmless fun like the imaginary wall around Larkhall.
Outsiders claimed it was to keep the daft folk in not so say the natives the opposite to keep the daft folk out.
Worthies Tales- - Continued
The Orange And the Green
The Scotland and Ireland relationship
The orange and the green the Gers the Celts. In Lanarkshire, indeed in the west of Scotland that influence has been at times a hindrance to the general peace of the community and a stick to beat our own backs with. The reason for the strong orange and green influence in the west of Scotland was the very large Irish influx into the west of Scotland of both denominations bringing with them their beliefs and culture and their funny idiosyncrasy's.
Unlike us Scots who can be a shade more dour.The Irish have a wry cynical humour able to put comedy into the most desperate of situations.
The one thing Scots and Irish have in common in each culture is the gift of song and poetry.
My mother has often remarked she wished the pill had been around then.
Many of the children died in infancy .She was no different in that respect to the other womenfolk of her class the working class. Except to her Scottish womenfolk friends and neighbours she was a tall black raven haired Irish colleen with vivid green emerald eyes the colour of her native Ireland.
Her date of birth as I have stated before the 17th of March St Patrick's Day. That date was also to be her date of death aged 48. Her superstitious Irish father her DA said she would be ill fated and gifted or cursed with the second sight depending on how you look upon it.
His premonition was proved correct her life was ill fated and her physic ability strong even to the point of foretelling her own death. More of my granny's story shall be revealed later.
The Worthies Heroes.
Scotland Ireland has had its fair share of heroes and I do not just mean the likes of the Duke of Wellington an Irishman, General Gordon of Khartoum a Scotsman or Lord Nelson an Englishman, whose famous last words.
: England expects this day that everyman shall do his duty:
A comment made by us Scots and Irish.
:We do not need anyone to remind us to do our duty:
I would like to do honour to the ordinary men and women the privates ,corporals ,sergeants etc who went fearlessly into battle. None more so than the fighting Jocks.
The Jocks who have played a great part in Britain's war machine. The Jocks usually at the front line of any confrontation . All be it a Lowland or Highland regiment all have claim to honour and glory and rightly so.
The regiment for Lanarkshire The Cameronians the Cams. Their name coming from Richard Cameron of covenanting fame who proudly wore the Douglas tartan. Some never to return they paid the supreme sacrifice.
In village's towns and cities at every shout of your country needs you men flocked to answer the call. One worthie by the name of Jimmy fearlessly offered his services .He went post haste to join the navy at the outbreak of the last war. The naval recruiting officer seeing Jimmy's harmless affliction asked him who his next of kin was. Jimmy's earnest truthful answer to him was: his simmet: That in the west of Scotland is a slang word for vest.
The recruiting naval officer let Jimmy down gently .When Jimmy realised he was not to be in naval uniform asked the trying to maintain his cool exterior officer. Hae you run oot oh boats:.
Here's to all the heroes known and unknown and to the Worthies who not in the front line worked in the munitions to produce the ammunitions to defeat the dreaded enemy.
The Local Worthies Tales - - Continued
Now wait till you hear this as I tell you something of the local Worthies Tales.
Believe me these stories were related to me by my mother some comical tinged with sadness. All done and said by harmless folk the worthies and all very true.
A man by the name of Jimmy. By the way this is the same Jimmy who asked the naval recruiting officer. :If they had run oot oh boats:
He built a hen run by a busy railway line of all places .The hens kept being killed by wandering onto the railway line. Jimmy went striding up to the railway station and got himself a timetable. Marching back down to his hen run carrying a hammer and nails. Jimmy went into the hen run
And nailed the timetable up. Turning to his hens after doing this and he was heard to say this
:IF ye get killed noo it's your ain bloody fault:
A simple lassie by the name of Sarah or Sara as they called her here. By the way this is the sister of Jimmy .Jimmy of the hen run fame. Sarah had two illegitimate children. When she was asked by the doctor at the first birth that the father was. Sarah's reply.
:IT was a man wearing a blue jumper:
All the miners in the rows at that time wore blue jumpers. The next day when this information had circulated through the rows news travelled fast in those days .The men came out wearing different colours of jumpers some with none at all.
On the next occasion it was more up market affair. When Sarah was asked again by the doctor who the father was her reply.
:It was a man with a pearl ballot button on his trousers:
The identity of the father or fathers remained unknown.But a lot of gossiping to uncanny similarities to certain men in the rows was something to discuss for many a day after.
The same Sarah belonged to the Salvation Army in fact Sarah was a wee shade overweight for her uniform.So to see her with her tambourine belting it off her arms and head and her behind with such great gusto was quite something to see.
While the Salvation Army band was playing at a street corner in the village one evening Sarah was asked quite seriously what hymn she would like her reply.
:I Would like him whae the big drum:
Obviously Sarah was thinking of Onward Christian Soldiers that night.
During the general strike of 1926 .Two men from the miners rows stole a lamb and killed it .I am sorry for the poor wee lamb but you must remember folk were starving .The police came down and raided the rows looking for the lamb accompanied by the enraged farmer.
A bairn was taken from its wooden cradle to be replaced by the wee dead lamb .A woman sat calmly rocking the cradle back and forth with the evidence in it. The lamb had a bairn's bonnet on its head and covered by a hand knitted blanket nae Mother care in those days. The police turned the houses upside down looking for the dead lamb to no avail much to the disappointment of the irate farmer and police.
The lamb was prepared and consumed talk about the story of the loaves and the fishes.
A man who died suddenly in the rows leaving a wife and six children behind him.
This man had beat his long suffering wife and children on a regular basis for years usually a Saturday night after returning from the pub.
The funeral sermon was given by a lay preacher who did not know the man or of his past behaviour. He gave him a glowing report as a husband and father. His widow sitting beside her eldest son was heard to request her son to open the coffin lid to make sure it was her husband the preacher was speaking about.
A woman in the rows who had six illegitimate children. She went on to marry a retired sea captain .Who took on her and all her children. They had no more additions no more patters of tiny feet. On her wedding night she was seen standing outside in the street at the window in her nightgown or shift throwing pails of water about the window.When she was asked what on earth she was doing her reply.
:Well the captain cannae sleep unless he hears the noise of the water:
Jimmy again being chased by police runs into his small humble home.He asked his sister to help hide him. She helps him into a cloth sack and ties it tightly which she then drags over and places on the floor in the corner of the room. The police search the house then ask Sarah what is in the sack her reply.
:Glass things officer:
A voice comes from the sack.
:Tinkle tinkle tinkle:.
A woman who had so many children 21 in all, with many dying in infancy. As did many children in the rows the infant mortality rate very poor. She used to wash her children in the wash house at the end of the rows each end had a wash house.She washed one child after another making them run back to the house naked. It must have been very cold and embarrassing no thought to their health or modesty.
How some of the children walking from the rows my mother and younger brothers included. On crossing the bridge they heard strange noises coming from under the bridge.
Underneath the bridge were the local police inspector and his girlfriend.
The children oblivious to the sexual act going on below. One girl's suggestion.
:Maybe he is murdering her : :Maybe we should go for the police:
One boy said.
:Dinnae be daft he is the police:
The couple continued to have sex against the wall. They were known to time the trains oblivious to their innocent audience to what was going on .He was very tall she was very short he used to stand her up on 3 bricks what a sight.
A woman was tarred and feathered caught going out with another woman's husband. Her long hair hacked off roughly with heavy scissors. Quite some entertainment except for the poor woman.
Sarah and Jimmy's parents were often played tricks on by the children in the rows. They were quite often smoked out by the children putting turfs on the low roofed chimneys .Never a dull moment very poor but content and happy with their lot.
There was a man in the village called Harry .Poor simple Harry who ran for miles with his cleik and gird .He was still wearing short trousers in his 30,s .He was sadly killed by a bus.
A man who was always cutting through the cemetery to take a short cut home. The people in the rows decided to play a trick on him one night. They hid behind tombstones one covered with a white sheet he was also wearing the mask of a beast .He jumped out on the drunk waving and making awful noises .Then saying to the drunk.
;I'm old nick ; :I'm old nick:
Drunk puts out his hand to shake the devil's hand and says.
: Shake hands I'm married to your sister.
Another man who also beat his wife and children on a regular basis .One night he wandered
Into the Band of Hope tent which had come to the top of the rows. He listened to a preacher
Preach hell fire and damnation and the curse of the demon drink.
The band of hope band was playing he was converted .For weeks he behaved and soon it was time for him to give his testimony .He got up on the platform and spoke of how he had seen the light and had mended his ways and how he was a changed man. His wife and family and people from the rows dressed in their best went to hear him give his testimony .His final words
Thumping his fist on the wooden table.
:I Was so happy when I got the call and saw the light:: The band of hope was playing Onward Christian Soldiers: : I was so happy I could have went over and kicked the
FFF drum:
He was thrown out and returned sadly to his old ways.
Sarah again sitting in the Salvation Army meeting one Sunday evening .A woman sitting behind her from the rows jabs her on the behind with her hat pin. Sarah jumped up saying.
:See you Maggie you are a dirty bugger:
That same Maggie God love her while pregnant was given a terrible fright by an Alsatian dog .The dog was wild and vicious. When her little son was born he had pointed ears and was covered in hair. The midwife let the little mite die he was to be no circus freak .The poor little mite was buried at midnight in the cemetery.
My mother remembered the boys and girls in the rows including herself sliding down the pit bing on shovels. To be chastised by their parents for ruining the little clothes they owned.
At Halloween men and women got dressed up with the children .One woman put on her mans suit with banana and grapes hanging from her open ballot. This certainly caused a sensation especially in the police station with the desk sergeant falling to the floor from his stool in hysterics.
Miners children were segregated from the other children in school playground .One teacher was heard to shout her family owned a bakery.
:All of you from the coal bings move to the other side of the playground:
My granny soon gave her a flea in her ear saying.
:If it wasn't for us from the coal bings you would have no dammed bakery:
Good old brave granny.
The Worthies Tales.
(c) by Helen moir
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